Movie Review: One for the Money

I was wary of this movie as the casting of the main characters were announced but knew I'd end up watching it. My sis and I are fans of the books and wanted to see how it would translate to the big screen. Unfortunately, it didn't hold up too well.

Katherine Heigl brings Stephanie Plum – the popular heroine of Janet Evanovich’s worldwide best-selling sixteen-book mystery series – to vibrant life in Lionsgate and Lakeshore Entertainment’s “One for the Money.”

A proud, born-and-bred Jersey girl, Stephanie Plum’s got plenty of attitude, even if she’s been out of work for the last six months and just lost her car to a debt collector. Desperate for some fast cash, Stephanie turns to her last resort: convincing her sleazy cousin to give her a job at his bail bonding company… as a recovery agent. True, she doesn’t even own a pair of handcuffs and her weapon of choice is pepper spray, but that doesn’t stop Stephanie from taking on Vinny’s biggest bail-jumper: former vice cop and murder suspect Joe Morelli – yup, the same sexy, irresistible Joe Morelli who seduced and dumped her back in high school.

Nabbing Morelli would be satisfying payback – and a hefty payday – but as Stephanie learns the ins and outs of becoming a recovery agent from Ranger, a hunky colleague who’s the best in the business, she also realizes the case against Morelli isn’t airtight. Add to the mix her meddling family, a potentially homicidal boxer, witnesses who keep dying and the problem of all those flying sparks when she finds Morelli himself… well, suddenly Stephanie’s new job isn’t nearly as easy as she thought.

The movie starts out ok with a few laughs provided by Steph's mom and Grandma Mazur around the family dinner table. We find out Steph's been unemployed for 6 months and her Grandma lets her know of a possible opening at Steph's cousin Vinnie's bailbonds office. Then it kind of slowly moves along and it seems like forever til we get another laugh. Part of the time I was distracted by Steph's frizzy hairstyle. Finally she pulls it back into a low ponytail and it was less distracting. However, Steph's overly spray-tanned chest was another matter. It kind of varied from looking like she was sweating all the time to looking sunburned. Anyway, Steph ends up working for Vinnie and takes over some cases from another bondsman who is out due to an appendectomy. One of the cases turns out to be Joe Morelli. Steph and Joe have a history - she lost her virginity to him back in high school and he never called her again. Apparently Steph then hit him with her car, breaking his leg, so they're really not on good terms at the moment. When Joe finds out Steph is the bond agent trying to bring him in, all he can do is laugh since he doesn't think she's tough enough for the job.

Enter Ranger, an experienced bounty-hunter who's looking to expand into the private security business. Book version Ranger is the ultimate man of mystery. He's Batman-Superman-Sexyman all rolled into one. In the movie, he's Extra Friendly and Helpful Man. Seriously, he meets up with Stephanie since she's new to the bounty-hunter scene and he gives her some tips about the case and guns and shooting. But he's too damn friendly and talkative and smiley and...ok I'll stop. He doesn't even manage to say, "Babe" sexily.

I really didn't think Heigl could pull off the humor of the Stephanie Plum character but in the end she did a better job than I thought. I also had doubts about the guy playing Morelli since he totally didn't fit my idea of him from the books but I felt like he and Heigl had decent enough chemistry that it worked well enough. Unfortunately, I didn't think there was much chemistry between Steph and Ranger in the movie whereas in the books, Steph would have smoke coming out her ears if Ranger even whispered, "Babe". But....to be fair, I think Ranger is so built up in the books that anyone playing him in a movie wouldn't live up to him.

I thought the movie did improve during the second half where Steph started doing some more investigative work to find the witnesses to the crime that everyone thinks Morelli committed. We also see her going out to capture other people who skipped their court date so she could make some quick money to pay her bills. Some of those secondary characters had funny moments. Then there was a weird little chunk where the movie took a more serious tone and it felt very out of place.

Anyway, while I think the 2nd half was a definite improvement over the 1st half of the movie (and what made this a C- rather than a D), I would recommend renting it or waiting for a TV airing rather than seeing it in the theater. Unless you want to go to the theater, then by all means go for it because while the movie was a C- for me, the popcorn was A+.

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Janet Evanovich - Finger Lickin' Fifteen

It's hard to believe I am still with a series 15 books in because I normally fizzle out around book 7. The Stephanie Plum series was always light and fun reading so it never bothered me how Stephanie was up to her usual antics or that she was still floating back and forth between staying with Morelli and having some fun with Ranger. There was a time when I read each book as soon as it came out but it was six months before I picked this one up. Sadly, there was good reason for that delay.

UNBUCKLE YOUR BELT AND PULL UP A CHAIR. IT'S THE SPICIEST, SAUCIEST, MOST RIB-STICKING PLUM YET.

Recipe for disaster:
Celebrity chef Stanley Chipotle comes to Trenton to participate in a barbecue cook-off and loses his head --literally.

Throw in some spice:
Bail bonds office worker Lula is witness to the crime, and the only one she’ll talk to is Trenton cop, Joe Morelli.

Pump up the heat:
Chipotle’s sponsor is offering a million dollar reward to anyone who can provide information leading to the capture of the killers.

Stir the pot:
Lula recruits bounty hunter Stephanie Plum to help her find the killers and collect the moolah.

Add a secret ingredient:
Stephanie Plum’s Grandma Mazur. Enough said.

Bring to a boil:
Stephanie Plum is working overtime tracking felons for the bonds office at night and snooping for security expert Carlos Manoso, A.K.A. Ranger, during the day. Can Stephanie hunt down two killers, a traitor, five skips, keep her grandmother out of the sauce, solve Ranger’s problems and not jump his bones?

Warning:
Habanero hot. So good you’ll want seconds.

Yeah, yeah, yeah Stephanie is out hunting a skip and the usual stuff happens like the guy getting away, cars blowing up, Ranger helping her out, Joe Morelli warning her away from him….basically a little bit from books 1-14 mixed together and repackaged with different secondary character names. The main difference of this book is that Lula is the main focus. She is a witness to a crime so has to hide out from the people looking to silence her. Where does she hide? Well at Stephanie's place of course! This arrangement doesn't work too well for either of them so Stephanie ends up staying at Ranger's place for a while.

I've listened to most of this series on audio and for some reason Lula has always been a bit annoying. It may be how the narrator voices her but I usually end up wondering how Stephanie can put up with some of her quirks. So with Lula being the focus of this book, I was rather annoyed for most of it. It just seemed like everything she or Stephanie did was the most stupid thing anyone could do when someone is looking to kill them. I won't even go into the ridiculousness of Stephanie in the hot dog suit at the end.

Another thing that bugged me was the fact that Stephanie never got it on with Ranger. While working at Range Man AND staying in Ranger's apartment, she had ample opportunity to be up in his Bvlgari goodness but she declined each and every time. The way I look at it, if she's not with Morelli why not have some fun with Ranger? Maybe that's why I'm still with the series. There's that small hope that she will have another fling with Ranger. At the same time, as much as I want that to happen, I can only see Stephanie ending up with Morelli.

Confession: I received Ms. Evanovich's latest newsletter which revealed the next book will be titled Sizzling Sixteen. Guess who will be reading it? Yes, me. Even though this book bugged me I still find them light, easy and fast reads (listens?). It won't be a "dash to the store on release day" deal, but I'll pick it up eventually.

My wish: end the Stephanie Plum series with Stephanie and Joe getting their happily ever after and spin-off Ranger to a Range Man series. My favorite book is #12 where the main focus was Ranger and finding his daughter. We could follow him in his bad ass bounty hunter/security expert exploits where he meets an equally bad ass female hunter/secret agent/uber spy and they have a Mr. and Mrs. Smith type relationship. That would be hot.

Final Grade:

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So tell me have you ever really, really really ever loved a woman.....

This book started out with a Pride and Prejudiced inspired scene. The heroine, Merriam, overheard the man she liked make a hurtful statement about her at a ball. Unlike Pride and Prejudice, though, Merriam came up with a way to get her revenge and show that man she's more woman than he could ever handle. Looking back, the main events of this book made me think of a certain website. Merriam's story totally fits the FML requirements. So I present to you a review of Renee Bernard's A Lady's Pleasure, FMyLife style.

Seeking revenge, she discovers how delicious a case of mistaken identity can be.... Merriam Everett has always been regarded as a shy, docile creature. But for one night, Merriam the Mouse has become a temptress who will recklessly take her pleasure with the arrogant earl who once slighted her, and then leave him aching with lust. A fine plan, if Merriam had not just seduced the wrong rogue! Drake Sotherton left England amid dark speculation and has returned to seek vengeance against Julian Clay, the man he believes murdered his wife. Convinced that the masked beauty who seduced him is Julian's pawn, Drake tracks her down and proposes that she become his mistress for the Season. Every sensual desire, every secret longing will be explored...and fulfilled.

Merriam: Today I overheard my crush, Julian, tell someone that I'm a whey-faced widow. How will I ever face him or the world ever again? FML M: Today I went to the masked ball and my plan for revenge on Julian went awry. I was supposed to get him hot and heavy and leave him wanting but instead I had smokin' hot sex with him. FML Drake: Today I had sex with an unknown woman at a masked ball. She left before I could get her name and I MUST see her again! How will I find her? FML M: Today I found out it wasn't Julian I seduced that night, WHO THE F was it?!?! FML Ok, so aside from the silliness of the 'revenge' scheme I was into this book at the beginning. I didn't mind the set up as long as the rest delivered. I even had a brief moment where I compared Drake Sotherton to Devil Cynster from Stephanie Laurens' Devil's Bride. I liked his friendship with Alex and there was one conversation they had where he bit Alex's head off but immediately apologized for it. He seemed like a decent guy and I looked forward to reading more about him. I also enjoyed reading about his search for the identity of the mysterious Mrs. Lover Lover from the masked ball. M: Today the man I seduced at the ball found me and wants me to meet at his house tonight. He got me all hot and heavy….then didn't finish the job. FML M: Today I went to his house to tell him I was a respectable woman and I didn't want what he was offering…..until he started serving it up. I'm afraid I also had seconds and thirds. FML The author did write some good love scenes, I'll give her that. The scene in Drake's house that night was super hot and seductive

“Only what you bare,” he whispered, his breath hot in her ear. “Hurry.”

Read the book and you'll know what I'm talking about ;) M: Today I agreed to be his mistress for the season but I'm still afraid of what the public will think so we hide out at his place. FML M: Today we finally made a public appearance in the park and OMG my former crush, Julian, came up to us which made Drake all jealous. He rushed us home, threw me over his shoulder, carried me upstairs where he proceeded to spank me….and……I kind of liked it. FML?!?! My good opinion of the book started falling the more I read because I didn't see any positive growth in Merriam and Drake became too possessive and overbearing. Merriam was semi-assertive in bed but if she wasn't sexin' it up with Drake she was back to being Miss Dependent. She never stood up for herself or what she wanted and anytime there was a hint of disagreement, they pushed it aside and went for sex instead. M: Today an acquaintance that saw us in the park stopped by to tell me about Drake's sordid past. He is known by all, yes ALL, the ton as the Deadly Duke!!! *gasp* Why am I always the last to know these things? FML M: Today I attempted to ask Drake about his past yet he distracted me with more good lovin'. Could I possibly be falling for a murderer? FML D: Today I discovered who Merriam thought she was seducing the first night we met. She was looking for my mortal enemy, Julian. Is she in cahoots with him to bring about my downfall? How can I still want someone I don't truly trust? FML By now, you'd think Merriam would want to know more about the man she was sleeping with and falling for yet when opportunity arose, she always backed down. You'd also think Drake would man up and ask Merriam more about her revenge scheme at the ball and what her relationship with Julian was. But both seemed to enjoy living in their little sex bubble and ignored any semblance of truth. There were times, however, when Drake was really good to her. This was my favorite part from the book:

“There is only one person’s opinion that should sway you,” he went on, lifting her hand gently to peel off her glove. “Oh?” she asked, feigning ignorance, anticipating his reply. Typical man! He would say that his was the only one that counted and then pay her a compliment to soothe her bruised confidence. “Oh, yes.” Drake moved her palm up to his mouth and flicked his tongue over it before kissing it. “Your own. Yours is the only opinion that matters.”

I wanted his actions to back-up those words but sadly it never happened. He was always too busy fuming behind her back wondering what her true motives were or being super jealous of her attentions. There was also a mystery subplot about what happened in Drake's past and why he and Julian were enemies. I figured out who did the crime but was mistaken in my reasoning for it. The whole back and forth of "You did it." "No, you did it." "No, you!" got old quick because that's all we got for most of the book. It wasn't until the end that we discovered some of the background info on the crime - right before the truth of the murder was revealed. Sorry, that was not enough to keep my interest in that storyline. Other issues I had with the book were the overuse of words or phrases. "You're incorrigible." "Who is incorrigible now?" "And you say I'm incorrigible" (the last one may be of my own making but believe me, incorrigible was used way too much). Next would be the many references to the Deadly Duke. I felt like I needed the little sound effect that plays during Law & Order scene transitions every time it was mentioned. Drake also called Merriam 'familiar' in reference to how she got his attention at the ball – Merriam was dressed as a cat and sent a message via the butler to Merlin (who she thought was Julian) that his 'familiar' had arrived. It was cute the first couple of times but when it was still used at the end, it was beyond overdone. My review is titled "So tell me have you ever really, really really ever loved a woman" which is from one of Bryan Adam's song but this book forgets one major thing:

To really love a woman To understand her You gotta know her deep inside Hear every thought See every dream And give her wings when she wants to fly.

The meaning of that last line is what's missing from this book. Sadly Merriam never wanted to fly and even if she did, Drake wasn't the type to accept that. This is the first in the Mistress Trilogy with the next book being Alex's story and the third is Julian's. While I liked Alex in this book, I probably won't be reading the rest of the trilogy. Final Grade:

This book is decent but unfortunately I found parts of it annoying, boring, disturbing, and clichéd. Didn't float my boat but hey, maybe it just wasn't for me. So I'll leave you to make your own judgment call. Proceed with caution, though: I came, I saw, I read and was not amused.

Around The Net: Romantic Times: 4 Stars Mrs. Giggles: 73

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The Better to Hold You by Alisa Sheckley

Neil Gaiman is Magic. When you have a comment from him scrawled on your book, you need to come with your A game; Ms Sheckley , unfortunately did not. At times the novel had a pleasant gothic flare, but mostly it stays in the underwhelming angst slut B movie realm. Product Description:

SHE KNOWS WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE. Manhattan veterinarian Abra Barrow has more sense about animals than she has about men. So when her adored journalist husband returns from a research trip to Romania and starts pacing their apartment like a caged wolf, Abra agrees to move with him to a rural mansion upstate in order to save her marriage. But while there are perks to her new life, particularly in the bedroom, Abra soon discovers that nothing in the bucolic town of Northside is what it seems. The local tavern serves a dangerous, predatory underworld. Her husband has developed feral new appetites and a roving eye, and his lack of humanity isn’t entirely emotional. As the moon waxes full, Abra must choose between trusting the man she married, taking a chance on a seductive stranger, or following her own animal instincts.

Poor Abra Barrow, staring at odd men on the train and having marital difficulties, just isn't what it used to be. Her masochistic responses to conflict make for a tale full of woe when her husband comes back from a trip behaving oddly. Hunter admits he betrayed her, then demands she uproot her life to go live in the sticks. Abra is: lied to, fucked senseless, plays peek a boo with the only possible explanation of whats happening to her life/marriage,and feels sad. Wash and repeat, again and again. After the day is won the villains are sent to bed without dessert, the end. Probably in preparation for sequel, I wont be reading. The writing style is decent, I enjoyed some of the world building aspects. But the dialogue is inconsistent; shifting between engaging conversations, rushed comic book bad guy overshares, and a healthy dose wtf. The scenes of intimacy were sexy, yet each had a off putting spot that knocked me out of the zone, and left me shaking my head. Add to that a few annoying repetitive themes, we get it already: Abra is nun like, Abra is downtrodden, Abra has no self esteem. Abra twice refers to herself as animal smart, people stupid;and I agree TSTL indeed. Who will Abra choose her husband or the enigmatic stranger? Wont spoil that conundrum for ya, I just wish she would've choosen herself. I took a peek around Romancelandia and this book was well received, but I'm with the Amazon folks in giving it a verdict of bleh. Grade:

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Beyond the Highland Mist by Karen Marie Moning

LOVE a good highlander romance and thought I'd be in for a treat with this one. It not only has the romance but also some paranormal aspects with the royal court of the fae adding their magic to the mix. There is also some time travel which I thought could make it even more interesting. Little did I know! First off, the heroine Adrienne is a twit. Her background story is too ridiculous to believe yet I'll share it with you because I'm that kind of a person :) She's a 20th century gal who is apparently on the run for the murder of her ex-fiance who is supremely stupidly named Eberhard. Mr ex-fiance was a "beautiful" and rich man who sent Adrienne on all kinds of fancy vacations………alone. Ding, ding, ding – clue #1 that something isn't right yet she continues to go because her man is so wonderful and thoughtful to give her such extravagant gifts. Well it turns out he was using the twit to smuggle something……I honestly don't care enough to even try to remember what it was. But she finds out when she comes home early and overhears him laughing at how stupid she was. (Psst….he wasn't the only one laughing). So from then on she proclaims her HATE of beautiful men and how she'll never fall victim to one ever again. Yeah, um….ok lady you do that.. Now for the hero – he is known as the Hawk and is renowned because he's apparently hung like a horse and has the stamina to match (who actually came up with that analogy and knows the stamina of a horse?). Ok back to business.....all the women want him and one goes all psycho after he's married and tries many times to kill twit. Anyway, so widely known is his prowess in bed that even the Queen of the fae wants to get a piece. This makes the King jealous and he sends his jester….super smoking faery guy Adam to go make the Hawk's life miserable. The king's plan is for Adam to find a woman that will turn the Hawk down at every turn. The one woman that will be able to say NO to him. Well since he is a magical being, Adam travels to the future and hears twit's proclamation against beautiful men and decides he's found the perfect match for the Hawk. So twit gets sent back in time and I'll skip all the "where am I, how'd I get here" drama and move along to more fascinating (NOT) stuff. So twit and hung get married by proxy (he sent his friend in his place for the actual ceremony) yet when they're in each other's presence she's all "stay away from me, oh wait but kiss me, oh wait I hate beautiful men get away". And he's all "you’re the one, come take a ride and I'll make you forget the men from your past" blah blah blah I honestly didn't care where this was going and I read what has to be the cheesiest line I've ever come across in a book. At some point during one of the love scenes twit proclaims "Take me to Valhalla"! Really? That actually got printed? All I can say is take me back to the moment before I decided to read this book. I have officially renamed it: Beyond the Ridiculous Twit!

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