Sorry for the muddled state of some of the older posts. Mist is slaving away to reformat them ASAP ; ).

12/4/08

Bring on the Drama

I am sick and tired of my fav characters on screen and page making meh relationship choices and engaging in disturbing pity/save the world sex. I’ve started many a convo about this with Reader my bookslut besty and resident ScarletCorset shipper, but it must be restated. Kick Ass Heroines of the world ….you must…STOP falling for; chumps, princes of bupkis, and lords of wack. Examples: - Anita Blake bumping uglies with Nathanial. Yeah yeah I know she bumps with EVERYBODY but c’mon. I don’t care if he has long pretty hair. he’s a borderline personality flunky. -Merry Gentry with the wrench in the conservatory. I jest I jest , actually it was Merry gentry with a bj in the bathroom. I’m sorry the goblin who’s 4 feet tall and looks like a child is feeling left out. But DUDE could you give him a hug next time or a cookie instead of… what you did. *shivers* - The book I finished earlier this week that provoked this rant, but I’m yet to review due to a combo of intense frustration and not wanting to spoil it for everyone. So I’ll keep my trap shut and wait for their hope to be crushed in the natural time line of things. Or who knows maybe they'll think it’s awesome and I'll be Breaking Dawn like wtf all over again. See the heart of the matter is that I’m a dynamic story first type of fan. I love Pushing Daisies but if Chuck and Ned found love elsewhere I wouldn’t shed a tear. In fact if the anti HEA event occurs and interests me I’ll cackle while I steeple my fingers like Mr. Burns.I’ve just had it with safe..boring..story killing plot choices. Doesn’t any one else wonder what if Georgia ran away with Rome in “Succubus Blues” and restarted life as bad ass Angel hybrid banging villainess? *shut you mouth* but I’m just talking bout Georgia *and we can dig it. What can I say, I lack the restraint to pass up a Super Fly joke opportunity and am a fierce advocate for angel boinking on principal. ; ) If given the choice, I’d sacrifice sweet forever love to my pagan gods for a compelling epic any day of the week. So why the heck do I read romance? Because the authors who rawk my sock don’t celebrate the birth of love with the death of complexity. When both are present the magic happens; think Jane Austen,Faith Hunter, Illoana Andrews, Jeri Ready Scott. Kristen ( and PC) Cast, Kat Richardson, Colleen Gleason, Keri Arthur and Richelle Mead. So I’m naming my self Queen of the universe for the next ..er 10 minutes and am decreeing new rules: Rule 1. if you have to choose between a smoking hawt Beast king who challenges you in interesting, infuriating, and uber exciting ways and your BFF since kindergarten whose a substitute gym teacher and looks like Seth Green. YOU MUST pick the beast King. You are allowed to get all “ what should I do? How can I break his heart? Do I want him for the wrong reasons? But, rescinding his Beastness and choosing the buzz kill dweeb is I STRESS not acceptable under any circumstances. Rule 2 You no longer get to justify having sex with childlike beings, I don’t care how old they are or if they don’t cum that they’ll die, just don’t do it. Also no gagtastic hookups with loser supporting characters having a sad on, even when you need sexy time to transform like sailor moon to save us all. As it is written so shall it be done and all that jazz. P.S. I’m not serious…mostly. P.P.S Also tv wise: Dexter should dump Rita stat. I want more dark passenger less suburban blah and making friends. I signed on for a Serial Killer Anti Hero not Daddy Day Care = / .

6 comments:

Reader Thursday, December 04, 2008 1:52:00 AM  

What if she finds Seth Green hawt?? tee hee!

Katiebabs a.k.a KB Thursday, December 04, 2008 8:44:00 AM  

Seth Green?!? Blah.
I was such a big Anita fan until she started screwing anything that moved. I miss the good old days when she was in an almost threesome with Jean Claude and Richard.

Mistress Thursday, December 04, 2008 9:56:00 AM  

Yeah Katie
She was the Queen of Urban Fantasy Until she morphed into God Slut: all powerful ...all access,lmao.I did like her with Richard and Jean Claude in the begining. But before long I just wanted to give R some cheese to go with all that whine.

LKH was my first venture in Fantasy,been hooked ever since.

MsValerie Thursday, December 04, 2008 3:31:00 PM  

Will you marry me????

Brilliant rant! I nearly sprained my neck nodding in agreement (and almost wet my pants laughing at one point). I wonder if I know which book you are trying to work up to review...hmmmmm.

I am so with you! Must choose smoking Beast king! Must not choose boooooring but sweet guy. We have real life for that crap.

MUST NOT screw any more childlike, pathetic, pale creatures... I'm totally with you on Kitto...I still don't get that. I still read the Merry Gentry series, though I'm getting tired of pussy=salvation. I adored the earlier Anita King books, but she just got so...prissy. Still, Richard and Jean Claude are hot, so I still read to see what they get up to (even though Richard is a massive PIA).

In summary...AMEN

Mistress Thursday, December 04, 2008 6:21:00 PM  

Woot! I freaked out for a minute ther. Blogger wouldn't let me comment and I feared the worse. Now on to our regularly scheduled program.

Yes, I will Ms Valerie. I'll be there with my cats and laptop in tow post haste,lmao.

Thanks I'm glad you liked it. You'll be in for a fun ride here since it doesn't take much to set me on snarky biatch mode. In fact it may be my default setting. Haven't been back to the Anita-verse since Incubus Dreams. I was so broken hearted when I finished it. Then reading the flack being given on Amazon to anyone "too repressed" to handle the genius of it; spurred my first book review ever. I still think dreamily about Jean Claude & Asher from time to time; and make happy mental culling lists from the rest of the boys. I've thought of going back for a peek, but after LKH's pithy response to the upset fans she can sit on it and spin.

Speaking of beast rulers who must not be denied Cullen from the Magic Series is gold. And the mysterious book was a very recent Para Chick Lit release. = )

P.S.
Reader I just caught on to your comment. All I have to say is ewww & nope not even then. In the event that said Kick Butt Heroine likes/lurves the Prince of Bupkis, she must take one for the team and Sir Lame will be dispatched immediately. so as not to cause further complications * grins*

Wanderer Saturday, December 06, 2008 1:59:00 AM  

Excellent rant! So good that I'll go ahead and overlook your Richard hatorade ;) He was hot when it all started and became my fave over Jean Claude. I still have hope of LKH writing him finding a wolf queen and leaving AB in the dust with her other lackeys.

As for the rules - could not agree more! Now can I add a couple of my own: Don't name your heroines these awful or saccharine sweet names and stop the "boys club" themed series unless you can make each story unique.

Examples of both these situations can be found in Stephanie Laurens' novels. This was my first introduction to the boys club idea where there are a group of men and each book tells the story of that 'devilishly, rakish rogue and most eligible bachelor' finding the one lady that is able to tame all that wildness. So we get Devil, Demon, Gabriel, Lucifer, Scandal .....you get the idea. Well, this being my first foray into the boys club I thought it was a hot idea. But when each book is the same story with just a little twist here and there of the plot and setting it gets old....FAST!

To add to that we get heroines named Honoria and no matter how much I tried (which was very little hehehe) I always pronounced like gonorrhea :) Anyway........there was also one named Prudence. I'm sorry but I am not reading a book with someone named Prudence. I get the idea of wanting to have a unique name but how about something unique yet still appealing? I just read the Guardian series by Keri Arthur that had Riley and Rhoan - two unique character names yet they don't make your eyes roll every time you see them.

The worst of the boys club theme I came across was the Compass Club where the guys were North, South, East and West. 'Cause I guess as Ms Hilton says "That's hot!"........ummmmm not so much.

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